SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize