The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
