its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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