Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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