so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
