It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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