ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
