I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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