If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
How's work?
Spinning.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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