I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
