Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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