i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
