You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize