Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
