I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
