WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
