hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Randomize
