Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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