if you like me you must not know who I am
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We had to coat check the pizza.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
