she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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