dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
