my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
