i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
