i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
