What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
