everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
