one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
