i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
