Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
