I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Randomize
