2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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