He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
