im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
