she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
