don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
