I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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