Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize