party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
