do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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