i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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