I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
