Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
