i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
