I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
