My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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