Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
