She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize