Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
