Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
