Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
