ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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