If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
