Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
