also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
