who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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