if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
