haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
