Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
