All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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