Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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