I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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