god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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