All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
