How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
