who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
