You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Actions speak louder than pants.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
