We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize