The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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