how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
