but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
it glows. i had to have it.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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