he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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