How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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