So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
