In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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