Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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