y did u give ur computer a hand job?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
