Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
my poor anus
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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